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Posts Tagged ‘RECURRENT MISCARRIAGE’

He is gone.  

 

Since my last post I was able to see my little baby around week 7, his heart beating strong on the screen, and his little blob of a body living inside me.  We made it to week 10.  I started feeling strange the day before the next appointment.  I knew that feeling.  I had been there 5 times before.  When I came into the doctor’s office for my 2nd ultrasound the baby had died.  I saw his little body on the screen.  He was much larger. He had grown well.  I don’t know why his heart had stopped beating.  No one does. He had passed away.  This was it.  Our last child and again, before we were able to meet him, he grew wings and went to heaven.

We are a family of 3.  No more, no less.  We have six angels living in heaven, waiting to meet us someday.  My heart is broken and my womb will never be full again.   

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I’m Pregnant.  We did it.. Again.  Pregnancy number 7 is underway.  And this time, it is going to work out.  I was nervous at first.  Paranoid actually.  But things feel different this time.  

The most miraculous part of this… this was our last round to try to conceive naturally.  Next month we were slotted to go through an IUI, then call it quits for good.  So amazing. 

Monday, February 13th was when it started.  I was at work and feeling like I was going to hurl on my keyboard.  Then noticed the aching in my breasts.  My sinuses were annoyed and I knew, either I was pregnant or getting sick.  So, I ran to Walgreens at lunch and bought a test. Sure enough! Pregnant.  🙂  Such a beautiful little pee stick! I told my husband that night.  We were both cautiously optimistic, but knew the odds were against us.  

Each day that has gone by, things have changed.  I am full of good yet annoying pregnancy symptoms.  The pregnancy tests keep getting darker (yes I still test.. don’t judge!).  Things feel good.  Things feel normal for a healthy pregnancy.  I am feeling more and more optimistic everyday.  

The morning of February 14th, my 4 year old walks into the bathroom where i am standing at the mirror.  She reaches up and rubs my belly and say “is my brother in there?”  I had to take a step back to catch myself.  What a little crazy girl.  I didn’t tell her yet, but somehow she knows something.  I love that special little child.. my one beautiful child on Earth.

I am almost 5 weeks along.  Still so very early, but I look forward to the rest of this journey.  

 

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