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Archive for the ‘baby fever’ Category

I had steak and tortillas for dinner and fell horribly guilty about that.
My house is a wreck.
I am 2 weeks away from a big test and not ready.
My work (at work) is behind.
My body hurts.
My baby fever is through the roof and I know it isn’t time yet.
Money is tight.. as usual.
My truck is a mess.
The small human living in my home is in the tantrum phase.
Did I mention my whole body hurts.

I really want to be better at everything in life. I want a clean home, but rarely have time to focus on it for very long. An extra hand or help would be appreciated, but nagging gets me no-where but in an argument. Work is work, not much I can do about it. I wish we weren’t short handed, so I could have all my evenings and weekends to work on my home or study for my tests, but that isn’t the case right now. For now, I just have to focus on my family, my health and my goals… and hopefully the rest will fall into place. Oh.. and my body hurts. (just in case you missed that before)

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It’s after 11pm, and I am sitting here at the office trying to get something done. I am coming down with something though, and feeling very sloooowwwwwwww.
I made a few changes today. (Yes, we are back on the baby making topic) After the work day (8am to 6pm) was over I went and did a little grocery shopping. Food stuff. When I got home, I removed at least half of the crap I already had in my cabinets and refrigerator and replaced it with my more healthy choices that were bought today.. then I cooked a store bought pizza (I know.. not the best choice)
When I got back to the office this evening, I emptied my desk drawers of all my snacky stash. Kudos bars, salty peanuts, chex mix, peanut butter cookies (LOVE THOSE) and some random snack crackers. I never realized how deep my desk drawers were. Anyway, in the place of all that I put sunflower seeds, cashews and popcorn.. all sans salt. Then I enjoyed one last cookie for old time sake. No more junky junk for me.

Tomorrow I start a new journey. The one where I rid my body of the things making it sick. No more gluten, no more dairy, no more processed food garbage. I am done being the slightly overweight and majorly miserable. I want my life, body and health back.

Over the last few years there have been so many issues that have shown up. I went from being (so I thought) a healthy, active woman to this person with all the health problems. It all started with my Hub’s egg salad sandwiches. He made them all the time, and I loved them. But over a very short period of time, they were making me more and more sick. Jumping to right after Buggie was born, it was chicken that did me in. The first time it happened, I had eaten out. I actually called the restaurant and complained that I had received food poisoning from their food. I was horribly sick, and my face turned colors I had never seen before right before I passed out on the bathroom floor. Again, soon I became aware it was more than a bad case of salmonella.. it was me.

Next came beef, then bread, all dairy, etc. For almost 9 months, I ate nothing but baked fish and veggies. They were the only safe options.

I don’t know why I didn’t see a doctor and get tested for food allergies sooner than I did, but I chose not to. When the Hubs and I decided to try to conceive again, we tried for what seemed like years (and now it has been). We tried everything, and finally we were referred to an RE (Reproduction Endocrinologist). She tested us for everything under the sun, and we came out clean and problem free. But we still weren’t pregnant. Then finally the magic happened.. we conceived. And then we lost the pregnancy fairly quickly. We were devastated. We had waited so long for this. We tried again as soon as the doctor gave us the OK, and amazingly we conceived again, right away. This time, I went in for all the testing, monitoring, beta blood draws, etc. The blood work was looking good, my HCG was climbing, and around 6 weeks we were able to get an ultrasound done! The heartbeat pulsed on the bottom of the screen and we thought this is it, our baby is going to be fine. Two weeks later, we said goodbye to our little bug. Something wasn’t right. There was a heartbeat and yet we lost him.

The OB called me in for a blood draw; a big blood draw. 9 vials of blood to test for all sorts of things. It was a little scary. Sometimes there are things you just would rather not know. But all my test results came back fine, except one.
I was diagnosed with APS (Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome). It is a mouthful, but really just means my blood is super thick and clots easily, putting me at a high risk for blood clots, stroke, … and recurrent miscarriage. So, an answer!
We went on to get pregnant one more time, and I was treated from day one with blood thinners, and had a Maternal Fetal Specialist monitoring my progress regularly. Unfortunately this time the blood work showed a poorly developing pregnancy. At my age (36 for those who care) it’s a common thing, and I just had to accept that that pregnancy wasn’t meant to be either. So, that makes six pregnancies. Two angels left my body years before my Buggie was born, and three since. We haven’t tried again since New Year’s Eve 2011, when Angel #5 flew to heaven. We will try again soon.

Oh, and I finally got the food allergy and sensitivity panel completed. Guess what they said.. Celiac Disease. LOL Come on, seriously?? I got a 2nd opinon on that one, and a 3rd just for good measures. It was confirmed.. Lovely!!

So.. to sum it all up, this is where my ‘get my health back on track’ mission comes into play. I have spent a great deal of time down in the dumps the last 3 years, and gained some weight because of it all. This isn’t me. I want the old me back, and my Buggie deserves to have me at my best. So here goes! As of tomorrow sugar, dairy, processed foods, gluten and anything else that is horrible for me is history!

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I titled my blog as if I were going to be discussing my fertility issues and the road to trying to have ‘one more’ most of the time, and that was the plan.  Had I started this blog a year ago, that is all I would have written about, and would have posted much more often than I do now.  To be honest, I am *kinda* over it all though.

Let me explain.. I am not OVER having APS, or over having recurrent miscarriages.  I am definitely not over hearing a baby’s heartbeat, then having that baby pass away before getting to hold him in my arms.  I am by no means over wanting to bring another child into our family, and giving my beautiful little one a sibling.  But I am OVER obsessing about it.  I am over having it on my mind 24/7 and having almost no other goals in life, taking away from the one amazing child I already have, and making my marriage a complete mess.  I am so over all that.

So, I was a little annoyed (after the fact) that I titled the blog the way I did, but such is life. I make mistakes.. a lot!  Yes, I do want another one, but this blog will be about so much more.

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