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Archive for July, 2011

My anger started with sadness. Bitter, painful, aching sadness. An old friend lost his wife tonight. I don’t know all the information. All I know is that there was an accident, with an 18-wheeler and she passed away. I can’t even imagine the amount of pain he is in tonight. Yesterday they celebrated her birthday. Tonight he is alone.

Now.. to the anger. Moments after her accident, the people driving past took photos with their phones. How completely rude and inconsiderate. What on Earth were they thinking? Oh, it gets better. They then posted these photos on Facebook. A small tidbit that you need to know is this is a small rural town, and everyone knows everyone. Can you guess what happened next? You got it! Her family saw them. Her family found out their beloved had died through a post on Facebook.

Someone please tell me there are laws in place to take care of people like this? Please tell me the people who recklessly posted gruesome photos of a deceased wife, daughter and Aunt will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

I just thank God that her husband is not a Facebooker and found out from the Authorities. Can you image the painful shock of looking at photos online, only to recognize a license plate, or the pattern of a dress fabric and to find out this mangled mess you are looking at is your loved one in their final moments?

Come on politicians… make a good, useful law. Make it a felony to post accident and death photos online. Heck, make it a felony to even take the photos. I want these cretins taken care of!

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My blood is broken, or so I have been told. Two panels of testing have come back broken, but I don’t believe it. Those were both last year.

I went back today to get a 3rd opinion (I am not one who is easily convinced) and they took 14 vials of blood from my veins. I wish I could understand everything they are testing for, but I don’t understand it all. APS is the main one.. the one I have been told I have. Antiphospholipid Antibody Syndrome.. Hughes Disorder.. the syndrome that causes your blood to clot more than it should. The one that causes the tiny blood vessels leading to a newly formed placenta that is feeding a tiny growing human to clot, and eventually suffocate the growing child. The one that makes my husband grow more and more concerned about having another child, for fear he might lose his wife in the process. I HATE APS.

Hopefully in two weeks when I go back the the Hematologist I will get good news, that everyone was wrong and that my blood isn’t broken. I hope and pray that is what they find out. I want to be normal and I want to carry another child and bring that child home with us to be part of the family someday.

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Yesterday was my typical every other week BIG grocery trip. The one where I buy the main food stuff, cleaners, meats, etc. And once a week I hit the local Sprouts for produce, milk and the things we run out of regularly. But this one wasn’t to Sprouts.. it was HEB.

I have nothing against HEB. I like it there for the most part. It’s the only place I know where I can see a doctor, buy fresh made sushi, deodorant and a new BBQ grill.. all in one place. Seriously, this place is like a mall.

But that isn’t the point to this topic. The point to this topic is hard to explain.

Over the last three years or so I have changed many things about my life. I added a child, I added some health issues, I cared for a family, and the choices I make in the grocery store affect everyone I care about. My choices have to be well thought out or my family could suffer.

Let me explain. Last year I watched a documentary called Food Inc. It was very eye opening and .. well, it was horrible.
That is where my problem began. My problem: I just can’t buy the crap at the grocery store anymore. So.. I go to the store with $200 to feed my family, but only come home with $113 dollars worth of items. I WANT to buy the hot dogs and have a cookout in the back yard, but I just can’t get my hands to pick them up. I know what is in them now. I know how they are processed, I know a chemical in them has been linked to cancer. I KNOW this stuff.. and now I JUST CAN’T DO IT. I can’t feed my child those things. I CANNOT buy a Tyson chicken product to save my life. And don’t even get me started on Monsanto. Just the name of that company makes me want to vomit.

I cannot believe that the USA has allowed such horrible things to happen to our food. Not only our food, but the most (supposedly) natural basis to our food system.. our produce and our meat. SHAME ON YOU! Shame on our government, Shame on business people everywhere that support this type of production.

There are other documentaries and articles. Right now I am reading the China Study. I’m sure when this is all over with, I will move my family to a virgin piece of land and only feed them what I can grow sans chemicals before all the bugs eat it. We are all doomed.

Next time you visit the Evil Empire (what the Hubs calls McDonalds) consider watching Food Inc. first. You might change your mind about a lot of things. I know I did.

Visit your local Farmer’s Market!! Support local growers and humanely handled livestock. What you put in your mouth today WILL effect you tomorrow. KNOW what you are feeding your children.

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Cell phones are my biggest pet peeve. Seriously! But it isn’t really the phones that annoy me, it is how people use them.

This subject came to mind tonight at dinner. Sitting across the table watching my husband scroll through his new Craigslist (or Ebay) application. He was looking at classic cars (or houses or antique jukeboxes..who knows) on his phone at the dinner table. DRIVES ME UP THE WALL!! I chose not to say anything because we swore we would never correct each other in front of our child. It’s just one of our rules. Anyway, it bothers me.

What is America’s (maybe the world too, I just haven’t traveled enough to know) problem with needing to always be entertained or occupied. Why can’t we just sit and think, breathe, relax… communicate; without the use of an electronic device.

Think about it. When was the last time you called a friend just to chat, and weren’t doing anything else besides immersing yourself in the conversation? Most of the time when I call someone they are on the computer, working, loading the dishwasher, etc. People rarely make time to visit with others anymore. It is so sad.

Between text messages, social networking, emails, voice mail (and caller ID) we have been given the out. A complete excuse to not thoroughly communicate with other living beings. I can remember years ago when I was plopped back into the dating scene after a divorce. It was horrible. Things had changed so drastically since the last time I was single. I will never forget the first time I was asked out on a date via text message. Needless to say there ended up being no date.. and that became a rule of mine. If a person didn’t make the effort to ask me out on the phone or in person, I wasn’t going to make the effort to spend time with them.

By the time my child is of dating age, I might not have to worry about date rape, STDs or curfews. By then, they will probably just video chat from another country and all my nightmares about the teen years will disappear. But if this trend continues, in 10 years, no one will speak. And the English language, as manipulated and misused as it already is, will no longer exist. Everything will be written in some sort of computer code or undecipherable technical jargon.

I feel sorry for the future generations. I really do. They are missing out on so much.

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Around 5:30pm yesterday as I was walking to my truck, I spotted a little guy running around in front of the restaurant down the street. My work is located in the downtown grid, so the streets are lined with old buildings filled with shops, cafes and businesses. Nothing really kid oriented. The kiddo was about 4 and had a towel tied around his neck like a cape. He was running 10 – 15 feet in either direction then stopping, twirling and jumping off the park benches. He was having the time of his life. I watched him for a good 2 minutes and not once did I see an adult anywhere near him. Being a mother to a 3 year old, my first instinct was to run to him, pick him up and protect him from the passing cars. But there weren’t many and he was staying on the sidewalk. I got close.. about 30 feet away and just observed. I just new any moment his mother would come walking out of the Spa or Restaurant he was in front of.. but she never did. He was a temporary runaway.

I always tell my child to never talk to strangers and to find a policeman if she is ever lost. But I got a chance to observe a ‘lost’ situation first hand.. and have new information to share with my inquisitive toddler. Walk into a shop and tell the clerk you are lost. That was the only solution to this situation. There are rarely policemen in our downtown grid. And there are strangers everywhere.
After watching this little lost boy for a few minutes a man walked up to the boy, squatted down and engaged him in a conversation. Had I not known this man personally, the crazy mother person inside of me would have run over and tackled this stranger.. but luckily I did. He was a local engineer who works in the building next to mine. Still, I kept watch over the boy.. and hoped that if my child is ever in the same situation, other moms in the area would do the same.
After a few minutes of the typical ‘where is your mommy?’ and ‘are you lost’ banter a crazed woman in heels and a blue dress came sprinting towards them from two blocks away. Seems the child had found his way out of the local library and all the way down Main street by himself. They ran to each other and hugged and she cried. (I almost did too) What a happy ending to what could have been a terrible and tragic event. I hope the little super hero has learned a thing or two about wandering off and I hope that Mother enjoyed a bottle or two of wine last night. Events like this make me go home and hug my child a little longer and a little harder at the end of the day.

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Onward

I woke up this morning feeling defeated, but made a juice, went to work and kept on moving. This is a life journey, not a fad diet or some short-lived experience. Just because I had a fajita taco last night doesn’t mean it’s over. It just means I have to keep moving towards my goal.
I am no superwoman, but I am determined to get my health in check. But I have to say, I feel awesome. No matter how many times I screw up my plan of action, I am on the way to feeling much better and looking great.
Today I am back on the wagon and doing well. I may have another meal someday soon.. but if I do eat solid foods, I will eat well. Nothing will get in my way.

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I had steak and tortillas for dinner and fell horribly guilty about that.
My house is a wreck.
I am 2 weeks away from a big test and not ready.
My work (at work) is behind.
My body hurts.
My baby fever is through the roof and I know it isn’t time yet.
Money is tight.. as usual.
My truck is a mess.
The small human living in my home is in the tantrum phase.
Did I mention my whole body hurts.

I really want to be better at everything in life. I want a clean home, but rarely have time to focus on it for very long. An extra hand or help would be appreciated, but nagging gets me no-where but in an argument. Work is work, not much I can do about it. I wish we weren’t short handed, so I could have all my evenings and weekends to work on my home or study for my tests, but that isn’t the case right now. For now, I just have to focus on my family, my health and my goals… and hopefully the rest will fall into place. Oh.. and my body hurts. (just in case you missed that before)

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